Sticks and Stones

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.”

Absolutely UNTRUE!

I don’t know how many times I said that when I was little, but no matter how hard I try to make it true, it just isn’t.

WORDS CAN HURT

And they do.

I wish we would all remember that the next time our words are used against someone else… gossip, rumors, slander, lies, backstabbing…

Cuz its really not fun being on the HURT side of someone’s words.

It just isn’t.

When Friendship Hurts

I love my friends! They are a HUGE part of my life, and I know how much I need them.  I’m not married, my family lives a million miles away, so what I depend on are my friendships….

…these past two weeks I’ve been dealing with some not-so-pleasant issues with a friend of mine, and when all was said and done my conclusion was this: friendship hurts.

And I’ll admit it… I was really hurt.

The independent part of me just wants to let it go and move on, while the dependent part wants to try and work it out. I’m conflicted about the whole situation, and unsure how to proceed.

I know that relationships are difficult, and those include friendships too; but sometimes I just wish they didn’t involve pain.  It would make life so much easier.

Ish!

High Expectations

How high is too high?

When it comes to expectations in relationships, think about the people in your life: friends, family, marriage, dating, work/school acquaintances.  What sort of standards and expectations do you put on them?

I tend to have extremely high expectations for the people most important to me…..too high, I think.  I’m almost pretty sure that no one can even live up to these expectations I have placed on them.  {I’ve even been told, by more than one person, “I’m sorry that I can’t live up to your expectations.” OUCH!}

And here’s the thing:  When I expect someone to do/be someone I think they should be, I’m always ending up disappointed and hurt when it turns out they can’t live up to it.  I try to justify myself by saying, “ I have standards“…. but seriously,

Are my standards too high?

Of which I’m pretty sure the answer is yes.

And I truly don’t know what I can do to change that. (but I know I have to do something…)

(any thoughts???)

Happy Birthday Micheal!!!!

Today is my nephew’s 12th birthday!  I can still remember the day, like it was yesterday, 12 years ago when I got the phone call that he had been born.  I was living in Arizona, still in college at Arizona State University.  Now, here we are 12 years later (he’s almost a teenager!), talking on Skype, still living far apart.

We’ve spent more time away then together, and distance has always been difficult for me.  It’s not fun always missing birthdays, holidays, and family time; but the times we DO have are lots of fun.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY MICHEAL!!!

Christmas 2003

Carving Pumpkins

On our dream Harley

Kristy and Micheal visit me in Africa

Our Volcano Taco Contest

I LOVE YOU MICHEAL!!! YOU’RE MY FAVORITE NEPHEW!!!

Relationships are hard!

Friendships, dating, marriage, family, or whatever kind they are there is one thing in common…..

Relationships are hard!

It seems like now matter how difficult it becomes or whatever pain they have caused, we seem to continue to dive back into them.  Sometimes I ask myself, “why?”  Why do I continue to trust after someone has betrayed it?  Why do I continue to love after someone has broken my heart?  Why do I continue to put faith in others when they have let me down?  Why do I continue to place hope in finding the someone I will spend the rest of my life with, when none in the past have?

Why? Why? Why?

For me it all comes down to this…we were created to be relational.  We were created to have people  in our lives even when we don’t think we want it.  We created for each other…to live, laugh and love. 

So, when I feel like giving up…..when I feel like letting go…..when I feel like casting aside, I need to remember that relationships are hard, but they are worth it.  

I am so grateful for all of you who continue to read my thoughts and rants, who comment and show me love, and for all the relationships I have gained throughout my life!!!  Even though most all of you are far away in distance, you are close in my heart ❤

This is for all my American friends…

I’ll start out with a disclaimer: “What I am about to say might offend and upset some of you, but I need to rant.”

Would it seriously kill you to email me once in a while???

I have lived in three different cultures now, all of them being ‘relational’ ones. If its one thing I’ve learned (mainly the hard way) its that we as Americans are NOT relational. Sure, you might be social, go out to parties, have fun with friends…but on a whole we are not brought up as a relational culture. We live to work, not work to live. When was the last time you spent ALL day just sitting under a tree talking or spending all day with your entire family (without it being a holiday)????

When will we stop being Martha’s, running around doing, doing, doing…and start being Mary’s, sitting at the feet, fellowshipping?

I’ve had such an emotionally crazy week and I find myself not even knowing who I can talk with.  I mean, thank God for facebook and all as a way of keeping in better contact, but even then its usually only my family and international friends that consistently keep me updated.  I do understand that everyone has busy lives, and things are going on….but let me end by saying this:

For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

We always make time for those we treasure and care about.  I want to make more time for others.  I want to be able to say that I treasure my friendships, for thats where my heart is.  I want to be more relational in all I do.  I want to sit at His feet more and stop running around like crazy.

What about you?

Faraway Friends

I read an article today titled, Faraway Friends, which tackles the subject of maintaining friendships despite living long-distance lives.  The subject immediately caught my eye, as pretty much every friendship I have is a faraway one.  I could totally relate to everything the author said, and found myself thinking about past relationships that were lost due to distance.  

Living the nomadic lifestyle that I do, the friendships I do have are sooooo important to me.  There are days when I LIVE on emails and messages from family and friends, but I also want my relationships to be more than just emails.  In the article she gives 10 ways to maintain those faraway friendships. 

10 Ways to Get Personal: 

1. Choose a time of day (coordinating time zones) when you can commit to praying for each other.
2. Send photos! Not just the kids’ school pictures, but photos of anything important in your life—a new hairstyle, your latest gardening or remodeling project, your children’s everyday antics, new friends.
3. Create a code between the two of you that says, “I’m thinking of you—you’re special.” Maybe it’s a particular greeting or closing to your letters. Sometimes Leslie and I call each other and let the phone ring just once. It makes me stop and enjoy the warmth of knowing she’s thinking about me—even if it was a wrong number!
4. Always send a birthday card—unless you’ve agreed ahead of time not to do cards.
5. Make it a habit to hit that reply button on the e-mail, even if it’s just a short note. Don’t wait so long between letters that it takes a novel to catch up on your life.
6. Never underestimate the effectiveness of that oft-maligned Christmas newsletter to keep friends up-to-date. Just don’t send the newsletter to everyone.
7. Talk about your friend to others. Saying her name out loud and “introducing” her to others keeps your friendship alive.
8. If you’re on e-mail, send a “real letter” every once in a while—something pretty or a funny card or even a comic from the newspaper that made you laugh.
9. Create your own traditions. My mom and her best friend sent each other the same birthday card for years. They added a personal letter each birthday and kept that special card in a safe place the rest of the year.
10. Embrace when you finally see each other again!

I’ve vowed to myself to begin implementing some of these tips into my life…..WATCH OUT FRIENDS, YOU’RE GETTING MORE OF ME THAN YOU MIGHT HAVE EVER WANTED

(to read the full article: Todays Christian Woman)

Confessions of a Broken Heart

There are certain topics that I have purposely avoided writing about, one of them being issues of the heart. I tend to stick to surface subjects, occasionally putting something out there once in a while.  Today I have decided to delve right in.

I recently had an old wound re-opened, which made me realize it hadn’t been completely, 100% healed.  Its been some time now since I’ve even had contact with him (being all the way across the world helped with that), and sometimes distance can be such a blessing.  But, here’s the thing: distance doesn’t mend a broken heart, it only distracts the pain.  

There was a ting of heartache, re-living past memories that were brought up; then all of a sudden there was this amazing moment when I realized what my life would have been had I chose that path.  No Africa… no Israel… no obeying the true calling God has placed on my life… and all of a sudden that ting was replaced with the most incredible warmth, which can only be described as a mended heart.

This is not to say that I don’t go through spurts of loneliness or tings, but knowing that I’m living in the will of God helps to strengthen me when they come.  Yes, I do want to fall in love, get married, and have a family, and sometimes I wish it would happen like, yesterday… but I know that God’s timing is perfect, and I must trust and wait for Him.

Look at me….I’m growing

Tough Love

One aspect of life I struggle with is unconditional love, or more specifically showing that type of love.  Being back home, I am seeing first hand the issues my parents have been going through with my younger brother and sister. Its easy to love family when you are miles away and across the world; prayer is really the only thing you can actively do.  When you are in the mix of it though, its a bit different.  Its so frustrating to look at the lifestyle my younger sister is living, when I disapprove of so much of what she does.  I get so upset and angry at the choices she makes, knowing how it can affect her present and future.  If I try to say anything to her, she gets mad, defensive, and yells back.  If I say nothing, I feel like I’m not doing my sisterly duty of trying to reach her.  Its rough.  A huge part of me likes living so far away, so I don’t have to get involved…but while I’m here, how do I show love to her?  Its the question that brings so much controversy into many debates today: How do you show love to the person without condoning the particular behavior?  Its something I’m trying to come to grips with.