Category Archives: The Single Life

Fitting in

Fitting in.

Most people relate “fitting in” to the teen-age or middle-school-age years when finding your crowd can come with many challenges. Being a former middle-school teacher, I’ve seen my fare share of kids trying to change and be someone they’re not in order to fit in with a group they want to be in. Not a fun time!

Fortunately, I never really struggled with the “fitting in” issue in school (not that I didn’t have other issues) but that wasn’t one of them.

Unfortunately, I struggle with it more now, as an adult.

It’s not for a lack of friends, cuz to be honest I have some GREAT ones! It’s also not for a lack of wanting to be in a group that I’m not in either…. the truth is: many times I just have a difficult time relating to others.

Living around the world in various cultures is a tremendous calling, but it’s also changed me beyond words.  Each new place has impacted me in new ways and changed my outlook and actions toward life, as well as changing me on the inside.  I’ve taken treasures from each culture, which translates into me becoming a “melting pot” of sorts.

While all this is wonderful and great, here’s the problem… I never 100% fit in.

When I go home to The States, I find it difficult to relate to others, as the “American” in me has dwindled down to less and less over the years.  Sure, I still love my country and the Detroit Red Wings (had to get that one in, Joseph) but there’s only so far you can go with these topics.

I could give examples from each place: Brazil, Africa, Israel… but it boils down to this… I rarely feel like I really fit in anywhere, and sometimes it’s a lonely, difficult cross to bare.

Although there probably aren’t too many people here on earth who truly understand me, I KNOW there is someone up there who does! And Someday…. well, it’s one place I know I’ll fit in 🙂

Are You Out There?

We’re inundated with it since childhood, the concept of true love.

Snow White sings, “Someday my Prince will come”…

Cinderella is rescued by her Prince Charming and lives happily ever after….

Even Sleeping beauty’s Prince appears from her dream world into reality to wake her…

And we wonder why as little girls we grow up with the concept of finding our one true love.

The truth is that I think I used to believe in it too.  Its been so long, and I will admit that after broken relationships I’ve become a little jaded about the concept of “one true love”.  At this point I’m just wondering if there is even someone compatible out there for me.

I’ve been told endless times that God has the perfect one for me, and as much as I want to believe it, the truth is that I just don’t know if I do.  Maybe my faith is running low.  Maybe doubts have taken over.  Maybe I’ve lived in the fallen world too long…or maybe its all three.  I struggle with that statement everyday that passes.

So, I will end this post with the question I proposed in the title:

Are You Out There?


I’ve been writing a birthday blog since I started blogging and when I sat down to write it this year, I could only really dwell upon all the things I haven’t accomplished yet.  I thought by my 35th birthday I’d be married, have kids, salaried job, and settled down.  35 was always my ‘goal’ year….

Yet here I am… 35… and none of those things have happened.

THEN I remembered one birthday, down in Rio, and I began to think about all the things I have accomplished, things that were never on my list to begin with.  I thought of where I’d been and who I’ve been with.  All the people who have been a part of my 35 years, near and far.  I have been sooooooo very blessed these past 35 years, no matter what hasn’t happened.

So just for kicks, I’ve put together a list of all the places I’ve spent my birthdays.  I might not have accomplished my list YET, but I’ve sure had some fun in the meantime…..

  • New York
  • Minnesota
  • Michigan
  • Florida
  • Arizona
  • California
  • Mexico
  • Canada
  • Brasil
  • Botswana
  • Namibia
  • South Africa
  • Israel

Can’t wait to see where next will be….

Single during the Holidays

For me the most difficult time of the year to be single is during the Holidays.  Add on top of that my family and close friends living a million miles away, and it’s just downright depressing.  I want to remain positive and in high spirits, but the truth is sometimes its just hard to get through the day.  While everyone is putting up Christmas trees, decorating their houses, watching Christmas movies, and sipping on Egg Nog… I am over here in Anti-Christmas land just trying to catch a glimpse.

Yes, this is my calling and I gladly choose it…..but I just wish that he (my future husband) was here choosing it alongside me.  Its been almost 10 years on the field alone, and I’m beyond ready for a change.  There’s a Christmas song that Mariah Carey sings called, All I Want For Christmas Is You….. and its really, truly the one and only thing I want for Christmas this year.

I’m sending my Christmas list directly to Elohim this year, after all… Santa Claus doesn’t make stops in Israel (I think he knows where he’s not wanted).  I mean, come on!  This is the Holy Land, right?  Shouldn’t our Christmas list requests be top priority??? hehehehe

I really miss my family!

There is a Barlow Girl song called Here’s My Life that pretty much sums up how I feel every time I finish furlough and go back on the field.  For many reasons, this past furlough has been the most difficult time to return, so I find myself re-listening to this song and reminding myself why I’m here.  Here are some of the lyrics, and I put a link at the end if you want to hear the song in full…. Its good stuff!!!

Once again I said my goodbyes, to those I love most

My heart feels that familiar pain, as I long for hope

Cause this road is hard, when I feel so far

God, I’m crying out tonight

Cuz I’ve given you my life

But I’m tired, and I’m missing what’s behind

So once more, here’s my life….

(For the complete song, click here)

Meet My TJ…

 DSCF2021Yep, this is TJ, and yes…I’m 34 and still have a teddy bear!  He is what I call my comfort zone.  

TJ has been with me everywhere I’ve been.  From Brazil to Africa…Europe to the Middle East; I don’t go anywhere without him.  

I don’t know how he handles all the tosses and turns that I make during the night, ‘cuz no matter how restless I am, I always manage to grab onto him…even in my subconscious.  I can’t sleep when he’s not there, and if he rolls off the bed in the middle of the night, I notice his absence.  

I’ve even been asked what I’ll do without him when I get married; but the way things are going, I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that anytime soon.  (but I think I’ll still keep him around even if that time comes rolling around)

Sooooo, what about you? Anyone out there have a comfort zone item, thats been with you thick and thin?  Please tell me I’m not the only one!!!


Yes! I’m a little bit meshuga (crazy)

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away I did something that was a bit hasty indeed.  I was in NY at the time when I came across a wedding dress that I absolutely fell in love with (on the Nordstroms website).  I thought to myself, “one day you will get married, and when that day comes if you don’t have this dress you will always wish you had.”   So, being the compulsive person that I am, I ordered it.

Well, weeks later I get this package at the door, and sure enough it was the dress.  I immediately took it out and tried it on.  


It was one of those deals where it looks soooo much better in the picture than in person.  Not to mention the guy that I was “dating” (and I use that word very loosely) just broke my heart into a million pieces, so the thought of a wedding dress wasn’t too appealing to me either.  There was only one thing to do…SEND IT BACK!

Years later, I am reminded of my crazy blunder every time I check my email and see a Nordstroms add in my junkmail. You see, since that day of ordering something from them, I was automatically put on their email list for specials and sales.  Today when I went to empty my junkmail, there it was with a bold header in the subject line: WEDDING DRESSES!

Its a good thing I can laugh about it now, after time has passed and old wounds have healed.  We might not always have Paris, but we’ll always have Nordstroms.  lol

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